Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Worst Day Of My Life

Can you look back and pinpoint the worst day of your life? 

February 7, 2011 was the worst day of my life. 

It was the day that Matthew and I sat in a Doctor's office and calmly had the nice young doctor rip to shreds every dream I've ever had. It was the day that Matthew looked at me and jokingly said, "I'd always hoped you'd live longer then me." through the tears both of us were shedding. It was the day that we had to break the heart wrenching news to our entire family, in person.

It was the day that cancer became the most hated word in my vocabulary.

I've had a lot of bad/hard days and moments since. Matthew got so sick sometimes during treatment and near the end he was in a lot of pain that was hard to get under control. I had to make the hard decisions when it came to deciding to let him go. Being handed the flag for his military honors on the day of his celebration of life. 

I might not always show it, but I miss him every day. 

  Two years later, I can still say that February 7th, 2011 was the worst day of my life. 

 That day was the prediction of this time that I'm living now, without my best friend.


  1. Bethany, I am so sorry to hear this. I pray that God gives you strength to get through this day. I too have a very difficult day...March the 5th 2011. We where getting ready for my baby shower. I told told my mom I hadn't felt the baby move in awhile. So we went to the hospital and sure enough she was gone...I was almost 35 weeks. So I called my husband and told him the news. I had her, (my Gracie) at 8:06 the next morning. My heart breaks for you, and I wish you the very best...hang in there!

  2. Dear Bethany, I don't even know how to start... First off, I am so horribly saddened to hear that Amazing (BF) Hubby has passed on. Please accept one of the biggest apologies one can offer you for not being around the blog to know sooner! You've always been such a special person and friend here in blogland... and I mean that wholeheartedly.

    I can't even manage to find the words I want to say to you right now... to let you know how much I want to reach out and give you a giant hug.

    I've been away from blogging since October myself as my husband was diagnosed with cancer as well, Oct 10th 2012, just 3 days after you lost your love. Jim has stage IV lung cancer which had spread to his brain and had been making him ill long before the diagnosis. After brain surgery and radiation, we know begin treatment for the lung which is inoperable. Radiation and chemo are what lies ahead for us... I understand very well how you said before that you 'both' lived with cancer as that is how it feels here too.

    If you ever want or need to talk, please just email me... I understand so very well. I'm sad, I'm angry, and most of all afraid of what comes next. Hoping to hear from you when you get a chance, never know, perhaps we can help each other get through!


  3. I have no words adequate to this Bethany. Clearly your husband was dearly loved by you and being loved like that is a gift I would wish for every human being, although I know not everyone experiences that.


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