Now that Matthew's celebration of life is over, the questions have started...
"So what are you going to do now?"
The answer... I have no idea.
To give you all a little history, Matthew and I started dating when I was 18 years old. I have always had someone else to think about when trying to make plans for my life. I've had someone to bounce my crazy ideas off of, and make them become a reality, if in fact they weren't really that crazy. I've always had someone to check in with, someone that I know will worry if I come home later then I planned.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm in charge of myself, my life and that I get to do whatever (within reason) that I want.
So I've started making plans, so here is my plan for the next year/ year and a half:
- go spend some time in Seattle with Dan (check)
- restart the tradition of spending Halloween with my very dear friends, Jess & Trevor (check)
- get my sisters tattoo with Jen and Denise
- hike with my dog, Luna... as much as I can
- help with & attend Tillman and Heather's wedding in December
- *fingers crossed* a girls trip to Las Vegas to celebrate my 30th birthday
- go kayaking with Tim & Leah
- proudly be the maid of honor for Brandy Jeanne & Raymond at their wedding
- next year on my wedding anniversary, I'm getting the tattoo that Matthew and I designed to get together
- take as many pictures as I can & have fun playing with my new camera
- craft/create as much as I want
- spend as much time with my family & friends as I want
- to learn how to be myself without him
I have some other plans in the works, but I'm not quite ready to share them with the world just yet. I'm still going to live with my in-laws for now, because I think with all the rapid changes in the last few months that it will be better for everyone. I know I'll move eventually, and I'll probably be moving out of town, but I'm not making any of those decisions just yet.
I'm trying to open my life to possibilities because I don't want to miss an amazing opportunity if it happens to come my way.
I do want to add that I appreciate everyone's kind words, thoughts and prayers over the last couple weeks. There has been such a huge outpouring of love from so many people, and it's truly humbling to know the effect that both Matthew and myself have had in the world. I'm still planning on doing some long overdue posts about our wedding and our amazing honeymoon trip, but I'm doing everything in my own time. But in the mean time, thank you.
