The Worst Day Of My Life

Can you look back and pinpoint the worst day of your life? 

February 7, 2011 was the worst day of my life. 

It was the day that Matthew and I sat in a Doctor's office and calmly had the nice young doctor rip to shreds every dream I've ever had. It was the day that Matthew looked at me and jokingly said, "I'd always hoped you'd live longer then me." through the tears both of us were shedding. It was the day that we had to break the heart wrenching news to our entire family, in person.

It was the day that cancer became the most hated word in my vocabulary.

I've had a lot of bad/hard days and moments since. Matthew got so sick sometimes during treatment and near the end he was in a lot of pain that was hard to get under control. I had to make the hard decisions when it came to deciding to let him go. Being handed the flag for his military honors on the day of his celebration of life. 

I might not always show it, but I miss him every day. 

  Two years later, I can still say that February 7th, 2011 was the worst day of my life. 

 That day was the prediction of this time that I'm living now, without my best friend.

May 27,1982 - October 7, 2012

Matthew Aaron Compton

May 27,1982 - October 7, 2012

My best friend and husband, Matthew lost his battle with cancer Sunday evening, surrounded by myself, his parents and two of his oldest and dearest friends.  

We always knew that Matthew's diagnoses was terminal, but he fought such a valiant fight and survived so much longer then everyone expected. Sunday was a day to let go of hope and say our last good byes. He was loved by so many and that was evident by everyone that came and saw him, said prayers, gave hugs, shared a favorite Matt story or two, shed tears & told him how much he was loved just one last time.

Room With A View...

I know that everybody is expecting a post with all the details from the wedding, as well as other pictures that I've promised, but apparently life has other plans. 

I do have pictures though! 

This is a little taste of what I've been up to starting the wee hours of the morning last Thursday...

A digital frame that shows off our honeymoon pictures.

 My wonderful husband decided that he had so much fun on our vacation that he decided that he needed to spend another one in the hospital. (Totally sarcasm, btw.) 

Because of complications with his cancer, he's stuck in the hospital until certain things are able to get under control. The frustrating part is that it takes time to assess how medications are doing and if they are working or not, so we don't have a clear idea of when he might be able to come home. The other annoying part is that while I'm there I have zero internet access, because they don't have wifi and I don't own a smartphone. 

Which means updates to this blog are on hold until he finally gets to come home. 

In the mean time, I did point out that if he has to be stuck in the hospital, at least he's stuck in one with an amazing view...

View from his hospital room.

 

Healing thoughts, well wishes and prayers are currently being accepted. 

Thanks for understanding & hopefully I'll return soon. 

 

The Power Of Pink!!!

Did you know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month? 

Of course you did, you probably already had your mammogram too! 
(If not, what are you waiting for?) 

I was going through link parties the other day when I found this wonderful post by Mandy aka The Project Queen. She made PINK PUMPKINS!!! 

So of course, I had to copy borrow such a genius idea! 

And I already had just the perfect person to give it to! 

 

I might have mentioned before that my Mom is a chemo nurse (which is like the rock stars of nursing...at least in my opinion). In August, one of her long time co-workers was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was shocking to everyone in her office, because when you spend all your time taking care of people that have cancer, you never suspect that you could have it, too. But this wonderful woman, is a true fighter and is handling her situation with such grace. When I saw Mandy's pink pumpkin I knew that I had to make one for her, because I want her to know that I'm sending good healing thoughts her way!

Mandy is urging everyone to paint some pink pumpkins this October because according to her, pink is the new orange!

And The Awesome Nurse Award Goes To...

I've shared with you guys before that Amazing Boyfriend is going through chemotherapy and he's currently being treated at the VA hospital in beautiful Portland, Oregon. 

Going through the military hospital system is not the easiest thing in the world. There are long waits for everything from appointments to waiting at the pharmacy to get prescriptions. The only thing that seems to make it worth while at all is the nurses in the outpatient chemo unit. 

They are AWESOME!!! 

Each and every one of them! They are often understaffed and overbooked, but they never let you feel like you are any less important then the next patient. They remember little things about you, want to know how you're doing and always have a good joke for you. 

I wanted to make something for these awesome ladies that have been taking such good care of ABF, but have been coming up blank for good ideas. But awhile back, on Pinterest, I found a really cute little idea that was perfect. 

  (And super easy!) 

I got several bottles of hand sanitizer, one for each nurse, and carefully peeled the labels off each one. Then I made an Awesome Nurse Award graphic with my Silhouette software and used my Silhouette machine to cut them out. Then using transfer tape, I applied the graphic to each bottle. Then I added a bow, to dress it up a bit.
 

We'll be giving these to the nurses today when we go to chemo. Of course, I wish that there was something more that I could do, but I hope these awesome ladies know that both ABF and I appreciate everything that they do for the both of us.

I'm sharing this project at the following link parties: 

A Perfect Day

Have you ever had a perfect day? 

Today was the first day that I've woken up since Sunday that I haven't been in pain. For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (and you should, I can be pretty amusing), I've been battling an infected tooth this week with antibiotics and pain meds. But today I woke up and my mouth was a little sore, but tolerable. 

 

I had to drive Amazing Boyfriend to Portland for his chemo treatments. We arrived early, and got an awesome parking spot in under 5 minutes, which is amazing since I have actually driven around the parking structure for over 20 minutes before trying to find a parking spot. We saw the Dr. early, who informed us that things looked good and scheduled a new CT scan for the day we wanted. We got up to the chemo floor early, his labs had already been drawn, he chemo had been ordered and ABF got his chemo started right on time, we didn't have to wait for anything. One of the awesome nurses, even changed his pick-line before they started his chemo so we didn't have to hang around for them to do it after. It took me longer to ride the elevators down and back then it took to turn his prescription in or to pick it up, which is so rare since you have to take a number and wait.

I got a good start on the baby blanket that I'm knitting for one of my best friends, while ABF was having treatment and am super happy with how it's turning out. 

Today was beautiful, sunny and warm, which has been a rarity for Oregon this summer. 

ABF's treatment was finished at the earliest time we've ever been done. We had an easy commute home, and didn't even get stuck in traffic where we usually do because of construction. 

ABF was in a really good mood, because the day went so smoothly. And even though treatments are still hard on him, he didn't feel as crappy and nauseous as he usually feels. He was even chatty most of the way home, when I'm used to him passing out and driving with only the sound of the radio as company.  

And the whole time, I was FREAKED THE HELL OUT!!!! 

I wonder what it says about me when a day in my life goes pretty smoothly. The whole time we were at the hospital I kept waiting for something to go wrong. Before we left the parking garage, I checked all the fluids and tires on my car, just in case. On the drive home, I kept wondering if I was going to get into a crash, one of my tires would blow, a big rig would change lanes while I was in his blind spot crushing my Jeep, that I would get pulled over for something.

But nothing happened.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm becoming a little jaded. Ever since ABF was diagnosed with cancer, I don't seem to be surprised with something else bad happens. I just suck it up and deal with it. I feel like life has been kicking me in the teeth, and instead of staying down, I pick myself back up, give life a bloody smile and keep going. I force myself to keep going. 

In my mind, there is nothing in the world that is worse then the feeling of defeat.

I've become determined not to let myself be defeated. Not by life, not by cancer, not by crappy circumstances, not by lack of money or what other people think about me. 

    Today was a really good day. 

I think it's time that I let myself enjoy it.

 

Knit-a-thon

Since my Mom is an oncology nurse, through her work she is involved in a lot of different fund-raising events for cancer charities, such as the Relay for Life and Race for a Cure. 

She is also an avid knitter, and several years ago decided to start a knitting cancer support group. Last year during the Relay for Life event, her work held it's first ever knit-a-thon during the event. Unfortunately, because of life events, she wasn't able to be as actively involved in it as she would have liked.

This year, however, she's planned a little more carefully, and asked me if I wanted to join in the fun. My answer was: of course!! 

Unlike years past, when I've participated in these events, this time it's a little more personal after Amazing Boyfriend's cancer diagnoses. But I wasn't about to not participate because I would be a little more emotional about doing it then before.

Our Handmade Items Sale!!!

Getting untangled...

Rebellious Midnight Knitters!

  
I made the signs for the booth as well as the sign for the table. We sold handmade items such as quilts, pillowcases, knit hats, scarves and blankets. I also donated a hat to the cause. 

I also signed up for the 10 PM - 2 AM slot at the booth. Which was kind of fun because not only did I get to learn how to knit cables (insert happy dance here) but I got to be there for some of the evening activities. The Native American Blessing and Dance, which was really neat. (Sorry, for the grainy photos, I couldn't get any good pics)

And the 1 am,  Miss Relay contest! OMG, I wish I had gotten pictures but my camera batteries died! Various team booths dress guys up in drag and they have to use their "womanly" wiles on participants to collect as much cash in their purses as they can in a certain amount of time. So they go around begging, dancing, taking pictures with and being ridiculous to raise cash for the cause. They were so hilarious. I'm super bummed that I didn't get any pictures of them. 

 And the luminaries. I always love the luminaries that people light up, not only in memory of loved ones that have lost the battle with cancer, but the ones that are beacons of hope to those that are fighting the battle. They are beautiful, and sad at the same time. Again, no pictures because my camera batteries died. 

I'm so glad that I got to participate! I like it when I get to be involved in good causes, especially against something as meaningful as the fight against cancer. Sadly these days it touches almost everyone's life in some way. But hopefully, some day, we can find a cure.   

 

Cancer Can Kiss My Butt!!!

I've shared with you guys in past posts that Amazing Boyfriend has cancer. If you've missed these posts you can read about them here, here or here. It definitely has changed my life, but it has inspired a few different ideas for projects such as my big girl panties. 

Now I have my newest idea, which I made for Amazing Boyfriend for his birthday. 

Fabric Painted Boxers 

With a pretty funny saying, if I do say so myself...

 

Come on, that's funny! 
 

Now some people might not think it's as funny as ABF and I do, but one thing that I've learned through all of this is that you HAVE to be able to laugh about it. You can't take it all so seriously, otherwise you won't survive it.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Amazing Boyfriend!!! And wishes for many more! 


I'm sharing this at the following link parties: