When I originally started this blog I wanted it to be a place where I could share with the world my latest crafting projects because I've pretty much always have something up my sleeve. I wanted to push myself, to challenge my creativity. To put myself out there, to use products and make things I'd never tried before, and to even fail on some epic level. My amazing boyfriend and I were trying to buy our first home and I was so excited about all these really creative ideas I had for decorating our house and making a house into a home for the two of us.
But fate is a fickle, funny thing.
My amazing boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer.
And everything changed.
The house and all those plans faded away and the reality of chemotherapy and a strict regiment of medicines because my life. Along with the idea that he might not survive, which has hurt the most. In the last month since we got the news our whole world has changed. We're packing up everything and moving back to our hometown to be close to family. I'm leaving a job I enjoy and co-workers that I love. He has stopped working because he just couldn't keep going on with medicines that he's on. We've had to make decisions on sperm banking, will writing, advance directives and final wishes and burial arrangements.
I have had to step into the role of being the rock, the one he could rely on, when he's always been that for me. He's always been so grounded and steady. I'm the dreamer, with my head in the clouds, who has always needed him to come back to reality.
My Mom recently asked me if I'd been writing about all the stuff that we'd been going through, and I was surprised when I had to answer no. I've been writing updates for family and friends, just so that everyone knows what's going on, but I hadn't really been just writing for myself. Growing up writing had always been my therapy. I still have a collection of journals full of poetry and stories and chronicles of my life. I've fallen out of practice as I've grown older. But now I have this blog. And I can pretty much write whatever I want on here.
I still want to use this blog as a way to show off my awesome crafting skills, but it's also going to be a chronicle of the current challenging journey that I'm on. Because there are times that I need to vent, need to cry and need to yell, and instead I plan to write.