Have you ever had a perfect day?
Today was the first day that I've woken up since Sunday that I haven't been in pain. For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (and you should, I can be pretty amusing), I've been battling an infected tooth this week with antibiotics and pain meds. But today I woke up and my mouth was a little sore, but tolerable.
I had to drive Amazing Boyfriend to Portland for his chemo treatments. We arrived early, and got an awesome parking spot in under 5 minutes, which is amazing since I have actually driven around the parking structure for over 20 minutes before trying to find a parking spot. We saw the Dr. early, who informed us that things looked good and scheduled a new CT scan for the day we wanted. We got up to the chemo floor early, his labs had already been drawn, he chemo had been ordered and ABF got his chemo started right on time, we didn't have to wait for anything. One of the awesome nurses, even changed his pick-line before they started his chemo so we didn't have to hang around for them to do it after. It took me longer to ride the elevators down and back then it took to turn his prescription in or to pick it up, which is so rare since you have to take a number and wait.
I got a good start on the baby blanket that I'm knitting for one of my best friends, while ABF was having treatment and am super happy with how it's turning out.
Today was beautiful, sunny and warm, which has been a rarity for Oregon this summer.
ABF's treatment was finished at the earliest time we've ever been done. We had an easy commute home, and didn't even get stuck in traffic where we usually do because of construction.
ABF was in a really good mood, because the day went so smoothly. And even though treatments are still hard on him, he didn't feel as crappy and nauseous as he usually feels. He was even chatty most of the way home, when I'm used to him passing out and driving with only the sound of the radio as company.
And the whole time, I was FREAKED THE HELL OUT!!!!
I wonder what it says about me when a day in my life goes pretty smoothly. The whole time we were at the hospital I kept waiting for something to go wrong. Before we left the parking garage, I checked all the fluids and tires on my car, just in case. On the drive home, I kept wondering if I was going to get into a crash, one of my tires would blow, a big rig would change lanes while I was in his blind spot crushing my Jeep, that I would get pulled over for something.
But nothing happened.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm becoming a little jaded. Ever since ABF was diagnosed with cancer, I don't seem to be surprised with something else bad happens. I just suck it up and deal with it. I feel like life has been kicking me in the teeth, and instead of staying down, I pick myself back up, give life a bloody smile and keep going. I force myself to keep going.
In my mind, there is nothing in the world that is worse then the feeling of defeat.
I've become determined not to let myself be defeated. Not by life, not by cancer, not by crappy circumstances, not by lack of money or what other people think about me.
Today was a really good day.
I think it's time that I let myself enjoy it.